Thanksgiving is on Thursday. We know, we know — you’re grateful for your amazing family, beautiful friends, five dogs, televangelist, and your significant other who, like, doubles as your BFF/soulmate. ADORBS
Antique Appliances – Hipsters la-la-love obsolete technology (e.g. VCRs, 8-track tapes, boom boxes, retro can openers, etc.)
Bill Murray – From Caddyshack to Wes Anderson, you’d be a fool NOT to be thankful for this brilliant, beautiful man.
Cigarettes – Despite the increasing medical evidence of its severe bodily damage, smoking has somehow remained in style.
DSLR cameras – Everyone thinks they’re a photographer these days, but I suppose there are worse things to tolerate.
Espresso – Extra (fair-trade) energy is needed to be this cool and protest outside of corporate coffee shops.
Fixed gear bikes – Public transportation is for squares. Biking next to crazy cabbies in extremely busy cities is obvi better.
Goodwill sweaters – Let’s take away all the cute cheap clothes from people who need them so we look more authentic.
Home-brewed beer – A creative endeavor if you know what you’re doing; one that can quickly go wrong if you don’t.
Ironic Tattoos – Who doesn’t want to see Ryan Gosling’s face tattooed on a grown man’s butt?
Jazz clubs – The term “hipster” dates back to the Beat poets, who were highly influenced by the improvisational style of jazz.
Kale smoothies – Farmers are actually struggling to keep up with the immense demand for kale now that it’s become hip.
Lynchian plots – You casually reference Blue Velvet and recently named your indie band after a Twin Peaks character.
Moleskines – Reproductions of Hemingway’s notebooks are the only journals in which I will sketch my obscurities.
NPR – Wait, wait…don’t tell me, you’d just die without World Cafe, Terry Gross, and All Things Considered.
Organic everything – Interesting that you can afford those free range eggs and chemical-free hair-dye, but not rent.
Podcasts – I require constant intellectual stimulation so I can prove how much more culturally aware I am than you.
Quentin Tarantino – Postmodern film is the key to my heart: non-linear stories, satirical aesthetics, and neo-noir Westerns.
Rustic living – Accessories include: mason jars, tree stumps for seats, hammocks, DIY bottle-cap art, and needlepoint.
Secondhand bookshops – Reading literature that someone previously owned, scribbles and all, is like a portal to their souls.
Typewriters – Who needs a Macbook when you can carry around a 50 lb. machine? Typos are permanent — how edgy!
Urban Outfitters – A shopping mecca for the progressive youth, UO really just celebrates overpriced “Navajo” prints.
Vinyl – Records have made a comeback. Playing them at parties is trendy; they’re great dust collectors the rest of the time.
Whole Foods – Food gentrification is a thing, but you don’t care as long as your food stamps cover your beloved goji berries.
Xanax – For the anxiety that accompanies existential crises and the endless waiting for your Etsy orders to arrive from China.
Yoga – Let me inconspicuously flirt with you by showing off my flexibility via Instagram photos of yoga positions I’ve mastered.
Zen Buddhism – You cling to a worn copy of Kerouac’s The Dharma Bums, meditating and pretending to understand Zen.