Not everyone enjoys the annual wallet-depleting, spoiled-kids-whining, tacky-decorations-galore fest that is Christmas. December 23rd has thus become a secular holiday to celebrate in alternative fashions. Today’s the day to air your grievances and attribute anything to a Festivus miracle. Popularized by the Seinfeld episode, we have a few of our own ideas to make your Festivus rock while still staying in spirit (including a Seinfeld marathon).
1.) Dee Snider’s Rock & Roll Christmas Tale – Known from his former rock n’ roll days in the band Twisted Sister, Dee Snider’s take on Xmas is sure to look more like an episode of Metalocalypse than The Nutcracker. As a metal band sells their souls to the devil to ensure their fame, they realize that such trickery comes with a price. If you want to experience something totally off-kilter and you happen to be in Chicago, check out Dee Snider’s Rock & Roll Christmas Tale.
3.) Die Hard – Watch all the “Christmas” movies that have nothing to do with Christmas, but are played on TV stations because there’s one scene where it’s snowing or the events happen to occur on December 25th (e.g. Harry Potter, Lethal Weapon, Lord of the Rings, Edward Scissorhands, Batman Returns, Rent).
4.) Anti-consumerism – Don’t buy anything today. The crowds will be monstrous, and if you haven’t done your shopping yet, it’s pretty much too late anyway. Way to go.
5.) Blast Van Halen – Overpower all Christmas music with some serious guitar shredding.
6.) Non-traditional dinner – Eat whatever you want as long as it’s not ham, turkey, fruitcake, or apple pie. Order Chinese take-out or stay true to the Seinfeld episode with spaghetti and meatloaf.
7.) Let it go – Your grievances, that is, NOT the Frozen song. Tell the people who’ve disappointed you this year what you really think. You’ll feel much better afterwards, even if they don’t.
8.) Seinfeld marathon – Watch the Festivus episode, obviously, but enjoy a few more while you’re at it. The next two days are going to be stressful at best and very messy at worst, so get your humor hour in now before it’s non-stop family fun and Uncle Ted inappropriately rearranges the reindeer on your front yard and is walking around the neighborhood drinking a bottle of Jim Beam in his Santa suit.