As if the fallout from the financial and Euro crisis weren’t enough, reports out of the United Kingdom point to a looming bacon shortage set to decimate an already fragile world. According to the Britain’s National Pig Association (NPA) “new data shows the European Union pig herd is declining at a significant rate, and this is a trend that is being mirrored around the world. Pig farmers have been plunged into loss by high pig-feed costs, caused by the global failure of maize and soya harvests” warns the UK’s National Pig Association.]
You can be sure authorities around the globe are doing what they can to contain what could be the final straw setting off World War Three, but the truth is nobody knows just how ugly a sustained global bacon shortage could get. Sure breakfast wont be the same, or cheeseburgers, but in this inter-connected world, a significant reduction in bacon supplies will affect each and every one of us. Read on to discover the frightening consequences of a bacon shortage.
Connecticut was proud to showcase the nascent science field of chocolate bacon at the annual “Big E” fair. A looming global bacon shortage threatens to set-back this emerging science at a time when industries worldwide continue to push the boundaries of bacon.
Chocolate bacon? A global bacon shortage has the potential to set back the nascent field of chocolate bacon in unimaginable ways. Chocolate bacon is just starting to enter the mainstream and an expensive bacon market could very well erase the all the gains made by the brave men and women at the forefront of chocolate bacon science. Here in Connecticut, we’re proud to have showcased chocolate covered bacon at the Connecticut Building during the annual Big E fair. As fantastic as this treat is, bacon engineers are just beginning to scratch the surface of this promising new field of bacon sweets. Will the emerging global bacon shortage negative affect this “oddly delicious chocolate dipped bacon complete with a rich, delicate balance of sugar and smoke?” Only time will tell. You might want to stock up while you can, or make your own chocolate covered bacon.
What about the bacon dispenser? With the price of bacon going up because of a global shortage, we’re that much further from that elusive bacon dispenser becoming a reality. Bacon scientists and engineers have succeed in creating a bacon dispenser in lab conditions, but we are still far away from a commercially viable one. With the cost of bacon going up, will there be enough money devoted to bacon research and development to adequately fund bacon dispensing technology?
A working prototype of the bacon dispenser lives only in a top-secret lab for now. With bacon being in short supply in 2012 and 2013, the bacon dispenser becoming a reality is that much further away.
Who will eat scallops? We all know that the only reason anyone ever eats scallops is because they come wrapped in bacon. With a shortage of bacon, chances are the delicious meat candy will be put to its best use alongside eggs and atop cheeseburgers. Without wrapping them in bacon, how will scallop fishers unload that tasteless white mush?
Birdhouses: How will you deal with nailing your hand to a birdhouse? Nevermind a whole host of host of problems easily solved by rubbing some bacon on it.
Won’t someone think of the children? Everyone knows bacon is part of a well-rounded diet, and without a helping of bacon in the morning, today’s children will never grow up to be the healthy and fully-grown adults they could be. Parents will have to have “the talk” with their children, explaining that the breakfast bacon they love to much has gone away.
What will happen to Jim Gaffigan? The comedian has built himself and impressive career based around bacon. Will people still be willing to see a Jim Gaffigan comedy show if they are reminded or the forbidden bacon fruit?
Jim Gaffigan – Bacon – from King Baby:
Bacon Explosion. Will the “bacon explosion” become a culinary treat for only the 1 percenters? The bacon explosion is perhaps the finest example of bacon cooking, but as the recipe for the bacon explosion calls for two pounds of bacon (and another two pounds of Italian sausage), will the average Joe be able to afford it?
D&D gets even more expensive. With Dunkin Donuts already charging going on $3.00 for a simple cup of coffee, how much will a bacon egg and cheese on a croissant cost during a global shortage of bacon?
Will Kevin Bacon appear in even more movies? With people jonesing for a fix of bacon, will Hollywood jump on the trend and attempt to fill that void with even more films starring Kevin Bacon? Google has already proven that pretty much every actor and actress is connected to Kevin Bacon is just two degrees, so so do we really need more movies starring the Footloose star?
The Meat Wizard Who is going to break the news of the bacon shortage to the Meat Wizard, because he is going to be really upset.
The e-mail and bacon dispensing car. Is the future of the e-mail and bacon dispensing car in jeopardy? We all know that nothing beats getting fresh bacon right from your car while checking e-mail. Will this automobile be a relic of the past, destined to join the rotary phone and MySpace in the dustbin of history?
Baconfest. Portland’s Baconfest could become a destination for only the mega-rich if the shortage of bacon reaches the West Coast.
The South won’t be the same without Baconnaise.
Baconnaise, which Jon Stewart described as “for people who want to get heart disease but are too lazy to actually make bacon” is another item that could disappear from kitchens across the South.
So there you have, just a small sampling of the havoc that could be wreaked should the NPA’s warning go unheeded. Oh and by the way, did you know the word bacon is derived from the Old High German bacho, meaning “buttock”, “ham” or “side of bacon.” And in case you were wondering, the USDA defines bacon as “the cured belly of a swine carcass.” We hope this look at the bacon crisis wasn’t too frightening, but the public should know of the dangers looming around the corner. Stay tuned to Live Toast for all your latest bacon news and happenings, because this is a crises that won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.